Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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