She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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