just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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