Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
