I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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