I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
