Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Two words: nipple clamps
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