you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
