I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
