google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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