It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
