she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
