If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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