Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
