It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
