Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
