what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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