I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
