well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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