Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
