ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
