i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
