I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
