Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
