what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
