They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
