May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
