when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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