Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
