wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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