she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
