I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
