That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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