matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
