Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
