i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
