so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
