so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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