I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
