i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
