grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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