I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
