We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
