Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I came so hard my ears popped.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
