i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
