he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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