Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
