And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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