Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
