My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
