you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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